Dear Dave and Dear Kate

Dear Dave,

As the guest writer for this installment of Kate’s blog, I hope you read this post and it finds you very unwell. I volunteered to write this post for Kate because I love my sister and I think she deserves to know how I really feel about her. I also think you need another reminder how strong TEAM KATE is and just who you’re dealing with. I knew this would not be easy for me to write and I have honestly been putting together bits and pieces of it in my head over the last few weeks, sometimes even dictating emails to myself so I don’t lose thoughts. I am not as eloquent as Kate. So, I figure the best way to go about this post is to just lay it all out there, and tell you how I feel, Dave – about you, about my sister, and the shitty situation you have put her in.

I hate you Dave. Hate isn’t a word I use lightly. My mom (you know Dee Dee) taught me that word is very strong and should only be used when you really mean it. I think it is more than appropriate in this situation. You are scum of the lowest order. I hate you for all the times that you have caused Katie pain, made her miss fun times with her family and friends, made her doubt her strength, or even took a smile away from her beautiful face. I have no time for you. But alas, Dave, your end is nearing and you are not the focus of this blog post, my little sister is.

Dear Kate,

You are and always will be my little sister. That is a badge of honor I will always wear. Watching you through this horrible process has taught me more life lessons in 8 months than I have learned in the previous 36 years. I know that in a traditional family role, I, as the big brother, would be teaching you through my life lessons, but at some point our roles reversed. Your wisdom and strength put me to shame. You are beautiful, strong, courageous, and most important, loved. You are so loved by all whose path you have crossed. It is never more evident than when you look at the legions of Team Kate supporters. I know that Dave has been an incredible burden, but you have carried him with grace, dignity, and an inner strength that all who know you are in awe of. I am so proud of you and I hope you know that I would drop anything and everything at a moments notice to help you carry that bastard. I can’t tell you how helpless I feel being so far away from your struggle. I wish I could just pop in on you at home, at your apartment, at the hospital, but we are a little geographically limited. The kids adore you and you are always at the forefront of Maureen’s thoughts and prayers. Maureen and I are both so touched how you have kept the kids so connected with your wedding planning when you really should be just taking care of yourself.

I have always be an optimist and truly believe that positive can always come from negative. Positives have come from your experience. I feel we have grown closer. We were always in different places in our lives. When I started high school you were in second grade. When I was in college, you were in your tweens and low teens. When Maureen and I got married and Maddie was born you were in college. We haven’t lived within a 4 hour radius of each other in nearly 15 years. I never got the chance to appreciate you as a young adult and was never up close to see the events that have shaped your life to this point. We talk more now. We share experiences. This is something I can’t wait to continue after Dave is gone. I want our collective sibling relationship (I say collective because of course Jake, Kyle, Maureen, and Rachel are included in the plan) to get closer, stronger. We need to cherish our siblings. I want to go on trips together, hang together, and just make more of a point to see each other more than a few times a year. I want my kids to be close with their aunts, uncles, and cousins. Through the “Dave” experience – It has become easier to say “I love you.” Our family has always been loving and we always said it, but at least in my mind, it flows so much easier now. There is more appreciation in the fact that I can say those words to my family.

You are not totally done yet, but every day, your strength brings you closer. Your rocks, Dee Dee and Kyle, will be there to support you. You have Team Kate to help your spirits stay high, and I hope you know that your big brother always has your back. I’d carry you if I could.

September is approaching. We’ll celebrate, the end of Dave, the beginning of Kate and Kyle, and we’ll party not like there’s no tomorrow, but because there’s the promise of so much more tomorrow.

F%$# Off, Dave!

I love you, Kate!


5 thoughts on “Dear Dave and Dear Kate

  1. Andy, you have left me totally unglued with your beautiful blog. . Dave is such a hateful guy and has caused such pain and suffering to Katie and to your/our entire family. Reading your words I see that no matter how bad as he is, that he has pulled all of you and all of us, family and friends, closer together. We are all standing strong behind Katie. Standing behind Kyle also who is such a huge part of this whole story. They are so lucky to have one another and Katie is so , so lucky to have you as her big brother.
    Love you, Weasy


  2. What a beautiful letter. It is amazing how something so awful can also bring out something good. I want you to know that everyday everyone of my classes are praying for Kate. They know her story and when I see a blog I give them an update. I’ve always told my students that crisis can make you better or bitter and that the choice is theirs. Kate is doing a great job in a very difficult situation! Dave is dead!!!!!!


  3. Dear Andy and Kate, a beautiful letter to a beautiful woman! Very well put, Andy! Dave knows you mean business! Shut him down,Kate! Love you all, Bonnie and Paul


  4. Andy,
    They say actions speak louder than words, and I have found that to be true.
    However when you combine the words with the actions, there is no stopping the volumn.
    Like everyone else who read your letter, my eyes are sore from the tears i have shed.
    Devastating news stops our world and leaves wondering how to deal.
    In the beginning we never think we will.
    But then as we do the unthinkable, we begin to feel the love and support of those around us, and before we know it we do have the grace to go on.
    Your letter, like those letters before yours, comes just when it is needed.
    And just like you intended, Andy, your little sister will take what she needs from your words and keep on fighting Dave.
    Thank-you, Andy, for being part of the glue, that is holding this together!
    Aunt Judy


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