When I started this little blog baby, I wanted to it to be an honest and up-to-date account of this journey. So some status updates are needed.
Every person with cancer calls it a journey, right? Well, it is. You experience the highest highs and the lowest lows. Sometimes they can happen simultaneously. I experienced this same thing a couple weeks ago.
We celebrated Kyle’s 30th birthday and Cycle for Survival the weekend of March 8th. It was such an amazing weekend filled with fun. Cycle for survival was so uplifting and inspirational. I loved seeing all the support that the riders showed for their loved ones and the thunder that Team Kate brought. I was asked to give a speech to open the event and what an honor! As I stood of there, I experienced the definition of “feeling the energy in the room.” We can’t wait for next year!
Back to highs and lows happening simultaneously. The week prior to all this fun, I got the results from my latest scans. The night before my appointment, I logged on to my hospital account and was able to see my radiology reports. Upon reading my MRI result, I saw that were was a “new” spot on the bottom of my spine. I cried harder than I have in my life probably. It was one of those cries where you can’t catch your breath. I was scared and disappointed. I was finally seeing the finish line and now it just got pushed back who knows how many miles. I was also terrified that this spot could have grown while I was getting chemo. Some pretty frightening thoughts crossed my mind. It was impossible to stop them. Kyle tried for hours to calm me and tell me just to wait until we talked to the doctor before assuming anything.
Sometimes I need a minute or even a day to get to together but you better believe I can and I will. I want my life so bad.
I woke up the next day with a new attitude and went to the appointment with my family and upon speaking to my doctor and my fears were relaxed. He was calm and confident. I asked if the spot was new or had been there and he said he could not be sure. It was new on this MRI but had it been slowly growing in that spot from the beginning? Who cares at this point right? He said everything had been going so well that he really has hope in his heart that this is a little blip and we will fight until its all gone.
And so, the new plan was put into place. I would go for a bone/bone marrow biopsy, followed by 5 rounds of radiation and a new and longer chemo plan.
(*Side note funny story: I went into the OR for my bone biopsy discussing traveling to my most favorite place, Spain, with my awesome nurse. When I woke up I was telling her fun bars in Spain that she should visit. I even recall spelling a few. She was typing them into her phone, so it must have sounded pretty good. Never let anesthesia hold you back from discussing a good time. haha).
My run with chemo was supposed to end in July and now there is no end date. This, of course, was disappointing but I am grateful and happy that I can receive this chemo and KNOW that it will kill the last of that loser, Dave. Rhabdo is very prone to recurrence so let this be my only recurrence.
Because we don’t know when chemo will finish, we decided to postpone our wedding until June, 2016. This makes me cry just thinking about it but I know it is the right thing. Me, who has never met a wedding event I didn’t like, was not having fun planning my own. Dave WILL NOT steal our wedding the way we want it. No, sir. Hell nah. Bye, Felicia. Bitch, please! Never. Thank you and good bye.
My doctor said he could have me feeling “good” for the wedding but I want to be able to fully celebrate and enjoy being healthy. Besides, Kyle and I have some seriously sassy dance moves that we have been working on and in June, they can be properly showcased.
Chemo round nine started today, April 6th and I am ready. Previously, my marrow had shown signs of being slightly “tired” from the truckload of chemo that I received in the past nine months. Please send me some positive energy and say some prayers that my marrow is able to bounce back and stay strong. I am researching and trying some alternative therapies to help my beauteous marrow along.
I am at peace with the highs and lows of the journey and no matter how long it takes, I WILL WIN. I know this to be true. I may get scared some times, but I know everything will be ok. I had this gut feeling in my initial meeting with my oncologist and I will NEVER let go of that.
I will survive.
( my new bracelets from Mantra band)